The End of the Day
Danny moved out under the shocking bright moon. Not nearly full, it cast long dark shadows as he made his way toward the tree line. The past
week had been nearly unbearable.
The secrecy was particularly difficult. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he’d been able to just stay home and crawl into his bed like Caleb had done. Hide away from the world, sit all his emotions on the pine needles of the trees he passed, like the snowflakes that clung there. Hidden away the forest, invisible to the town, his family, to Sugar’s soul-searching eyes.
He had no such luxury, He was not expected to
be sad, lonely, appalled, frightened, sleepless, sick with dread or feverish with longing and regret. Espri’s death was not to mean anything to him. He couldn’t talk to anyone. There war not a single soul he could trust his secret to. But above all that, the secret kept him from being able to show any of his emotions to anyone He either had to soldier them in or fox hole himself when they blasted uncontrollably out of him.
It was a good thing he was a trapper. It was one inconspicuous chance to be alone, to cry and even howl without people around. Normally, Danny was quite sociable. People and he got along just fine. Yapping wasn’t his thing, but he got along just fine in a group conversation or one-on-one. Just because he wasn’t a big chatterer didn’t mean he didn’t need someone to talk to about all this. He was confused and unsure, in need of direction and normally he’d take a problem like this to Sugar or his mother. There wasn’t even a possibility that he could dream about this, let alone imagine while awake that he could speak about it. It was just such an unspeakable thing. What work they think? If he thought there was someone he could trust it would be Sugar. She loved him. She trusted him. Sugar would believe him if he said it happened the way it did. If there was anyone, it was Sugar.
That was foolish talk He couldn’t allow himself the gift of imagining such a scene. The back table at Sugar’s diner just like any other day. He and Sugar eating a cinnamon bun, drinking coffee. The morning bustle of the diner quieted down and now Sugar could sit with awhile and talk. He’d tell her a joke, make a play on words, tell her something funny he’d seen or done while out trapping and they’d laugh about it. Sugar would see the pain there, and reach across the table taking his hand in hers and ask him to tell her what’s wrong. She’d promise never to tell and he knew he could trust her. He had always trusted her. Even when he’d gotten drunk and threw the beer bottle into Officer Robinson’s front room window. She didn’t tell on him then and he knew she wouldn’t now.
Instantly, shame, sorrow and fear flooded his mind. Killing a girl is far different than throwing a bottle through a window. Someone could help you during a little vandalism, but murder? Even if it had been an accident, who but Sugar would believe him and how would they ever convince the police? If only… Yeah, he’d said that a million times this past week. He was alone. Alone with his crime, alone with his sorrow, alone with his fear.
Walking through the forest, checking on his last trap, cold, alone, hurting with unbearable agony, Danny turned around to go back home, the one place that used to make him happy. It was the end of the day. Now, he wondered, could he make it through another night without Espri?